What Does it All Mean?

 What does working with the oppressed/marginalized population mean to me? This is a big question. A heavy question. I'm a white cis female. So I'm privileged. Sure, I'm a female so the argument could be made that I've felt oppression, but I do not think the oppression I have felt can compare to that of minority populations, transgender men and women, homosexual men and women.

 

When the Black Lives Matter Movement made a big resurgence in 2019 and 2020 all over my white friends social media platforms I kept seeing "I'm listening. I'm learning." or just simply "Listening. Learning." But what does our white people silence do? How is sitting behind a computer in silence and "listening and learning" prove to be helpful to those who are marginalized and living in a broken society?

So, what do I do to BE AN ALLY? I stand WITH those who are marginalized. I sit down and speak with them, I ask THEM what can I do to support you? I show up for my friends, I show up to marches and events. Heres the important part of "listening and learning" you actually listen and learn. You put the work in to find out what it is that is wrong and what you can do to help spur change. Then I need to you to use your privilege and I need to use my privilege to make a difference. Talk to our white friends and family who don't understand why certain populations are marginalized. 

That's where humility comes in. Man is it hard to admit that the world might not be as perfect as you thought it was behind your rose colored glasses. It can also be hard to understand that even though your life was hard too doesn't mean your whiteness didn't give you a leg up, or privilege. This begs the question, why is it so hard for some white people to admit that we are privileged?

To my white friends who want to listen and learn, I applaud you. But I also want to encourage you, take the next steps. Speak up and speak out. Support in any way you can. And always remember being an ally isn't about you, it's about them. We've had hundreds of years of privilege, and spotlight white people, now it's time listen and learn, educate and support. 

I'm just a young mother trying to come to terms with he fact that my baby passed away. Why hasn't anyone helped me? Why did I come home from the hospital with no baby, and expected to go back to normal life? Should I still get maternity leave? I know it makes people uncomfortable when we talk about death of young children, should I not bring his name up? I've looked up support groups in my area. There isn't one close. I'm so sad I can't fathom driving over an hour to get support. There was no one to help me at the hospital, except a nurse that has been woking in labor and delivery for years. Why wasn't there anyone there to help me? I miss my baby. It's not supposed to be this way. 

Policy makes me angry. There are people under your policy. People who are affected and not thought of. Your policy making should think of my intense grief. They say the loss of a child is the greatest grief one could experience, so why isn't there someone assigned in every hospital in American that has a labor and delivery unit? We are supposed to leave the hospital with a baby, and take him home to a fully decorated room. Now I have to take my empty carseat home and stare at a nursery with no baby to put in a crib. Do I have a funeral? The nurse said it's my choice. But what do people do? No one talks about this. Infant death is uncomfortable. I get that. But what do I do now?

This is so much bigger than me. I now realize this is a hospital systems and policies problem. No parents should have to navigate and suffer the death of their infants alone. However, it's happening every day in America, the most developed country in the world thousands of parents are navigating the death of their infant all on their own. 

I came into this wanting to help parents and families. I'm learning now This is a bigger problem than just me. This is a hospital problem This is a policy problem. This is a problem that ends a big fix, but how do we do that? It starts with one hospital at a time. I will show the research of why there needs to be a designated bereavement person for labor and delivery units, or that the social worker for the NICU needs to share space with L&D. Then I will take what I learn from one hospital and combine it with the research and put together a program to send to other hospitals about why this is a policy that needs to be instituted into every maternity unit in America. This is a big task that won't happen overnight, but needs to happen regardless.